Sleepovers

Contrary to popular belief, I hate spending the night with men. I love sleep and sleeping by myself is one of my absolute favorite things to do. I can drool, get up to pee, and of course, hog the covers with no judgment when sleeping alone. When sleeping with someone else, however, I feel like I have to sleep like a robot on her period. No thanks.

I wish I looked this cute while sleeping. Sigh.

I have dermatographic urticaria, a skin disorder that causes hive-like breakouts. To combat this disorder and avoid being treated like a leper, I take allergy medicine every night. Since I don't carry allergy medicine with me, if I spend the night at a guy's place there is a 100% chance I will break out in hives at some point during the night. You guys can only imagine how embarrassing this is: being covered in welts while in the arms of a man, usually post-intercourse, trying hard not to scratch and even harder to convince him I don't have an STD.

Usually when this happens I scratch in silence or rummage through their cabinets in hopes of finding a shot of Benadryl. If that doesn't work I bring out the big guns: telling them I'm allergic to latex. Most guys take sympathy on me; others politely say "so maybe we just shouldn't use a condom this time". I'm covered in hives and you want to expose your bare penis to this?!?! Fair enough, let's do it.

Secondly, I am the strangest sleeper alive. I sleep like Superman: face down with my arms straight out in front of me and my toes hanging off of the bed. Spooning is nice, but I can't fall asleep 1. on my side or 2. with a dick on my back. I usually maintain the cuddle until the guy falls asleep, then I break the cuddle and head straight into Superman position.

This is exactly how I sleep. Cape included.

The last major issue I face with male sleepovers is the inability to wrap my hair before we fall asleep. If I don't wrap my hair at night or sleep on a satin pillowcase (I know, I know, I'm a diva) my hair loses a ton of moisture and I end up looking like a slave. It's bad: dry, unmanageable, and all over the place. That combined with the drool and the hives makes me the absolute least attractive person in the world to wake up next to. Unless of course we spend the night at my place, in which case I can control these extraneous variables and look fabulous as always.